FEELZ

All of the feels.

Ever feel like something is mentally wrong with you and you start reading up on all of the different disorders and begin to relate to every single one?

Ugh that’s me. I’m a hypochondriac and that just applies to every single thing in the world with a description except physically.

I’ve been in a situation where I have gone to see a therapist because after not eating and sleeping for three and a half days I just knew I needed someone to talk to. However, after she told me that I’m a total extrovert I was unsure of my decision haha I’m a good balance of in-between, but I do know that a majority of the time I keep things to myself and try to figure them out on my own.

Do you ever get frustrated for no reason? I’m assuming it has to do somewhat with this looming book review I need to write, but yeah, I’m frustrated.

The book review is easy, but my feelings about everything else are so complicated.

For example, when it comes to legalization, I don’t really care. Marijuana is just as dangerous as alcohol, and therefore should be treated as so. I don’t care that I have friends that do it. However, my significant other, I’d rather him just not. I’m just not a fan of how people act when they’re high. They’re really…frustrating.

And I could care less about what he is doing half the time because he tells me most of the time anyway and I appreciate that. But, I feel like if it’s something more “important” (I guess a better word choice is “out of the ordinary”), like a party, I’d prefer to just be told. It would be the same if I did anything out of the ordinary like go to a bar or a party: I inform him.

There are a number of other more personal things that I have certain feelings for with very good reason for them that only takes trust in order for me to be comfortable that he’s not doing those things. Nothing crazy and to be honest no, it’s not about cheating or anything like that. I know the kind of guy he is.

But every now and then these things pile up of uncertainty and I either A) want to blow up on him about it because I don’t feel comfortable talking about it until it’s built up or B) go off on my own and be the very outgoing, single-type me. Because “single me” and “in a relationship me” are very different people. Not in some extraordinary way, but I’m definitely more carefree and social when I’m single. Basically, I could care less if I hurt a guy’s feelings most of the time.

It’s almost empowering, knowing I can go out and receive outside attention. Still, the only attention I want is my boyfriend’s.

It’s probably the fact that three weeks have passed since I last saw him and by the time I do see him it’ll have been a month. We live about an hour and a half away from each other, but we’re both very busy between work and school for me, and him working all day and night. And as much as I don’t care for saying “literally”, in this instance I really do mean literally when I say working all day and night. Except for Sundays~ haha

Meh. I just needed to write something to vent and it came out so sloppily. Oh well. So here’s a picture of me.

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