Little Struggle

Being in a relationship these days can be really hard. Between going to grad school and working two jobs, I also keep my relationship among my top priorities.

And let’s be honest, things haven’t been easy. Any intelligent person will tell you that a relationship isn’t always rainbows and unicorns.

Even more so, being a woman in a relationship is not easy because we’re always subjected to seeing beautiful women everywhere, so of course we know that our men are subjected to seeing beautiful women everywhere. I know I’m not alone when I think to myself, “With him seeing all of these beautiful women, does he still think I am a beautiful woman?”

Don’t get me wrong, he tells me I’m pretty, that I’m cute, that I’m hot, and that he loves me nearly every day. Not in excess, just as small reminders on random days. And generally, I am a confident woman. Still, I have to repeat this to myself:

“A confident woman:
knows she is loved,
refuses to live in fear,
is positive,
recovers from setbacks,
avoids comparison,
takes action,
does not live in “if only and what if”.”

I think the hardest parts for me are the “knows she is loved,” and “avoids comparison” bits. After suffering lots of verbal and mental abuse from a previous relationship, it is a lot tougher for me to confidently say that I am loved by a significant other. My current boyfriend is really a great man. On random occasions, he did little surprises to make me happy. He buys little things that I would talk about in regular conversation and he always lets me know that he loves me.

There is no lack of love on his part to make me ever feel like I am not loved. However, because of my own lack of confidence, I always want more affection. Sure, there are moments where my want for more affection is completely warranted, but in other times it’s just my own worries and fears getting in the way. This is something that I struggle with often and am trying to improve on daily.

Lucky for me, he is someone I can confide in about this sort of thing, and he talks to me about it and lifts me up. It’s something I really appreciate and I completely value the fact that he is also my best friend.

Any tips on this sort of thing or anything to share?

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