Love, romance, soul mates and the slew of worries that comes with any relationship seem to be making the headlines lately.
Any lists that could possibly help are posted daily on Facebook, and I think it’s safe to say that if you think you have the answers, you try to share it with people.
But really, who are you to tell people what makes their relationship a healthy one?
Sure, there are definitely certain aspects that make a relationship healthy and there is most definitely factors that make a relationship unhealthy. I’ve been in both types.
But what we don’t seem to talk about anymore is that security is a huge factor when it comes to relationships. This is something I’ve struggled with.
In today’s society, nobody can argue that money doesn’t “make the world go round”. In a way, it does. If we want a nice house, if we desire the iPhone, if we want a nice car, if we want anything of materialistic value, then we need money to do so. Also, many divorces occur because of financial instability. It is the number one thing that couples find themselves arguing about and it is the number one thing that can cause frustration in life, and in turn, cause frustration within the relationship.
I was born with what they call the “golden spoon” in my mouth. I recognize this and I appreciate this greatly. My parents are still together and happy as ever, I’m 23 and I’ve had three brand new cars (two of which were Mustangs), and I don’t know what having to pay for student debt is like because my college has been completely paid for without loans of any sort. I say this not to boast, but to make a point for later in the post.
My parents believe in class and being a classy lady, and like any mom, my mom wants what is best for me. Because my family has always lived with a net income in the six digits, they want the same life for me. Mind you, I am half Puerto-Rican and half Korean. My mom is an immigrant, and my dad served in the Army for 30 years. They’ve worked very hard to be where they are at, so they don’t take excuses and can be quite conservative.
So, my boyfriend. They like him from what they know of him. But this is where my relationship can get hard. He isn’t able to come see me like they want because of money. It’s not my place to talk about his financial or family situations because it’s his private business. I think it would be safe to say publicly that his life growing up was nothing like mine.
My parents find this to be hard. His dreams and aspirations are something that they don’t quite understand and it doesn’t seem to be concrete plan in their ideas. They know this is the man that I want to spend my life with.
They aren’t the only ones that struggles with this. My friends are concerned unless I assure them that it will all be okay. I believe in him and I think he will succeed which is all that matters. But I am human and I have doubts.
When he and I weren’t in a very good spot because of some arguments we were having, I asked myself, “Security or love?” Because you see, I do not believe we have multiple soul mates or that a soul mate is someone you make into your soul mate. I believe that we can be happy and love someone, but that there is only ONE person in this world that God made specifically for you. I believe this connection is just different and inexplainable compared to any other relationship, even a perfectly happy and love-filled one. This doesn’t mean you don’t fight with them and have to work together with them, but it does mean it is a different type of connection that is hard to explain.
I did a lot of hard thinking. Security or love, security or love. Yes, I can have security and love. I’ve thought of other relationships, of relationships of people I know, and it then became, security and love, or soul love.
How much does security actually matter? What is actually ours in this world?
Can I be happy if it turns out that he never makes it and my situation will be completely financially different from what I am used to?
When I found that he is more important to me and that I choose our love over something that I know will be lesser in exchange for some paper that people have given value, I also found that it is much easier and more sincere to truly believe in the things that he wants to do.