To My Friend…

I get it.

I promise I do, and I’m sorry if my rough words hurt you.

I know what it’s like to feel like you love someone with everything you have only to realize you’re broke.

I know that you came over to my house because you wanted somewhere else to be that would keep your mind off of the pain he’s been making you feel. I know that you didn’t want to quite hear what you needed to hear. You were possibly even hoping to cry. I’m sorry that I can’t be that friend that is going to just smile and tell you everything is going to be okay because that would mean I’d have to lie to you. I know better than that, and you know better than that.

I know that you texted him a melodramatic goodbye because you wanted some kind of response that showed that he wants you to stick around. And while it’s not exactly the response you were hoping for, he responded. That’s all you needed.

I know that him responding in such a way made you feel like there was a chance. I know that giving yourself to him was to try and make him feel close to you again, not just for him but for yourself as well.

I know what it feels like going home after a day with him and realizing that nothing has actually changed. You just have that hope because he keeps seeing you. He keeps contacting you.

I know that you keep seeing him because you have a hard time keeping yourself away when he calls for you, and I know that being friends with him will be impossible now because those feelings will always linger.

But I can also say that these are the things I know because I have moved on from that place.

I know that he doesn’t care about you the way he should because if he loved you he would hold on to you. I know that if he really loved you he wouldn’t let anyone else have the chance of coming near your heart.

I know that he tells you that you deserve better because he knows that you deserve better. He knows what he’s doing. He knows he’s been thinking about other people, looking at other people, and he knows that you deserve someone that only sees you. And he knows that he is not someone who only sees you.

I know that he wants to keep seeing you because he’s afraid of being alone. I know that even he still feels like you’re his, even though he’s been feeling like he doesn’t want you anymore. I know that he doesn’t want to see you with someone else, even though he knows he shouldn’t be dragging you along.

I know that because of social media, it’d be nearly impossible to delete him out of your life for a little while.

But I do know some positive things too.

You know, things get way better.

I know you don’t think you’ll ever find a connection like that again, and you’re right.

Believe it or not, you’ll find something better.

It won’t be immediate and it won’t always be obvious.

But…

I know that you will find someone better. I know that this new person will make you realize how foolish you were for the time and pain wasted.

I know that you just thought, “It was not a waste of time. I’ll never think of it that way.”
But I also know that you’re right. It’s not a waste of time because you’ve learned from the situation, but the moments after you realized you couldn’t let go was when you began to waste your time and his.

I know that you will find solidarity in your singleness. I know that it will make you grow. I know that you will go on many dates. I know that you will feel hopeless in your search. I know that when you’re not searching and just talking to a friend, you will fall in love again.

I know that he will become a distant memory to you. I know that you will smile about it in the future. I know that you will look at yourself in the present and think, “I am so glad to be here.”

You will find that you are a happy person with someone who, for the most part, doesn’t stress you out quite as bad because he will really love you, and he won’t let go so easily no matter where you are and no matter where he is.

I promise that you can do better, and that you will be happy, and that you will grow.

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