The Break Up

For most females and some males, a break-up story is always so incredibly juicy. They have to know everything… every little detail. It’s like every little detail matters, even though no matter what, we arrive at the same ending of the story.

At the time, I didn’t really understand what was going on. I realized, however, that I was beginning to be very unsatisfied with everything and it breaks my heart to say that. I guess one of the first signs was how uninterested I was in being romantic. All I wanted to do was hang out, but unfortunately I think this also added to my disinterest. He knew it too. There were times when he would bring up how I never started anything anymore, and even if we did get involved it was obvious I just wasn’t really into it. Not like how I used to be.

At first I thought something was wrong with me. I felt so emotionless. I really thought I didn’t or couldn’t have feelings anymore for a second. I became very disinterested in many things and figured that’s just how I am now.

Around this time I began to reconnect with old friends and make new ones. See, my boyfriend at the time and I lived only an hour and a half away, but this hour and a half becomes a long drive when only one person is constantly making the effort to see the other. That one person was me. So, what was easier? Well, we played games together online, but after a while it just lacked what I wanted. Though I consider myself an introvert, I really like spending time with people in person. I don’t feel the same connection and am unsatisfied with technological connections. This brings me back to reconnecting with old friends and making new ones. These friends lived in the town that I live in and on top of that, they live close to me in town. Because I had been friends with some of them since middle school, it was easy to feel emotionally close to them as well. I could talk with Megan about all of our good times and Christian could tell us about things that happened to him in high school. We also became friends with Christian’s roommate James who had been friends with all of our other close friends for a long time. We played video games together, went out to eat together, and drank together.

This was an issue for Weston because he is so used to drinking becoming a problem. Drinking is not my problem, but he was always afraid that things would get out of hand. Typically, however, a sequence of events would lead up to me finally losing it, but I digress. Also, Weston was able to visit me once and we went to play video games with Victoria. This was where I realized that this is who he is and it’s never going to change.

Now, I’m no video game, MVP, call-you-a-noob guru… but, I am pretty good a video games. Especially games like Crash Team Racing or Mario Kart. I was beating Weston at Mario Kart, and just like I did with my friends, I teased a little with simple things like, “Oh dang, I beat you. You weren’t even close! Mwahaha.” I could see the annoyance building up, so I chilled out on it some, but I kept beating him at it. I’m not sure what I said, but he completely exploded on me, cursing at me for no reason. It was very embarrassing that he did that in front of Victoria, especially because I had just finished telling her that her husband shouldn’t do that to her and that I wouldn’t take anything like that. And I wouldn’t. I left him there and just drove off.

As the weeks passed, I found myself wanting to be at home hanging out with my friends more than him. I would drive all the way out to Murfreesboro to pay for everything myself and sometimes even pay for his meals, end up eating in because of the lack of his money, wanting to help him so I’d end up buying him house supplies sometimes, and among other things we’d end up staying in all of the time. And staying in usually isn’t an issue with me, except I had more fun staying in with my friends.

I began to leave his house early and head back to town just so that I could spend time with my friends. Meanwhile, during this time, I was becoming close friends with James. Our personalities mesh really well together and I’m never not laughing when I’m hanging out with him. On top of that, Kaine was texting me. My attention was so spread out, but I kept just enough to give attention to the person I was supposed to which was Weston.

Every little thing became a much larger annoyance to me and things from the past began piling up on me. I even talked to him about it and tried. But even after coming up with a solution, I didn’t feel like anything was solved. I began to feel like it couldn’t be solved and that’s when I knew that I had to let him go. I really loved him, and I didn’t want to waste his time or distract him from his work. I wasn’t being a good girlfriend anymore, or a good person anymore, because I was distracted by attention from other people and wanting to do what made me happy rather than what could fix us and make us happy.

On March 3rd I broke up with him. At that point I had to do it. It was extremely difficult and I was not ready for it, but I did it. He was confused and swore there was someone else. There was and there wasn’t. Us breaking up had so much more to do with multiple things rather than a someone else. He deleted and blocked me on all social media and communication came to a halt even through text message after a while. I guess that’s okay. I just want him to be happy and it’s important that I’m happy too. I also no longer feel like I’ve made a mistake. I truly hope that he achieves his dreams and is happy as well.

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