My first class that I had the privilege and opportunity to teach were mostly seniors in high school. I was only able to spend three months with them, but I managed to form great student-teacher relationships with many. As soon as they graduated, many found and added me on different forms of social media.
I love seeing the posts that my previous students make. I get to see their thoughts about post-secondary life. Along with these status updates come the really personal ones. Posts about the boy in their life and sometimes, their heartache.
On some of these posts I want to comment so badly, but I know it is best not to. Honestly, it is not my place. I wasn’t their peer, their friend, or a counselor. While I feel close with my previous students, I did always keep a strong line visible. I’m young, and I don’t want anyone even thinking that in any way I am or would be jeopardizing my career.
So I’m writing this. It isn’t going to be a pop-up notification or a direct message… just a message to the general public of the internet world. I know there are many girls that need this.
I know what it is like to be 18/19 and feel completely in love. I know what it is like to look at someone and cherish every piece of them. I know what it is like when that person is older than you, too. You felt so strongly about the person you were in high school, but this one person is going to change you. Everything you’ve ever thought, “Psht, there’s no way I would do that no matter how much I love the guy,” about, you will prove yourself wrong. You will be surprised at how much you can take, and you will be surprised at how strong you are.
We often do not take advice. The feelings are just too sturdy. Even when we are in complete pain and someone offers us their hand, we will push it away and still look back. You will be on your knees in pain, you will feel lost and alone, but you will not move forward.
Please, move forward. I am begging you all to move forward. Dust off your knees, stand, and walk. No matter the dreams of yours and his wedding, no matter the promises he has made, no matter how many times he has said he loves you, no matter how many times he has apologized to you… please find the strength to walk away. It is not worth wasting years of your youth stressing and being anxious over one person. The one day you finally walk away, you will look back with regret. You will wonder what you would have and could have done had he not been around, holding you back.
It is going to be hard, and he will keep coming back to you. The guy could be married to someone else years later, and he will still message you to flirt with you. I know this because it has happened to me. The effects of this relationship will still be with you even five years later. I know this because this is me. When you are 25, you will ask yourself, “Why am I still afraid?” Afraid of loss, afraid of not being enough, anxious. You will think you are pathetic because even with all of your strength, you will not forget.
You do not feel like it now, but when you are 25 you will realize how young you were at 19. There is so much world to be explored and discovered, and there are so many people who will treat you better and cherish you. Do not let anyone hold you back or hold you down. You will find love again, and I promise love doesn’t hurt like this does.